By Dictargh
"21, 22, 23...", I continued in my reverie as I counted the number of grains of rice remaining in the black nylon that contained what was left of the one derica of rice I bought three days ago from the ọmọ Ibo who lived next to me. At first glance, one would think it was as a result of joblessness that I engaged in such an unprofitable activity but a second look would surely direct the viewer's gaze to my sunken cheekbones, "colour-less" skin and the forced "Sapa, nice one" grin that etched itself on my face.
There had been no light for some days now and I had to make use of my roommate, Akpan's stove. Had there been power supply, my hot plate would have shown itself capable of satisfying my cooking needs. Instead, I had to use a stove that was not mine and borrowed kerosene; the kerosene was for Akpan and since he had gone home for a few days, I pleaded with him to lend me the little amount of kerosene remaining in the stove while promising to replenish it with an equivalent amount of money. In summary, I was cooking on credit. Oúnjẹ gbèsè!
Life was looking at me like "Have you met me?" with that overly sarcastic Cruella kind of look. It was quite frustrating. I remembered hearing people say "One thing must kill a man"; I didn't quite understand till I met the bold and ruthless Sapa. Sapa is actually the native name of the well-known villain in real life commonly referred to as "Lack". It could be lack of money, food or situations that promote these.
It was Sapa that made Vanessa leave me. There, I said it. It was the first time I said Vanessa's name out loud ever since the unspeakable happened to me. It had been five months, three weeks, four days, twenty minutes and uncountable nanoseconds since Vanessa broke up with me and no, I definitely don't miss her or think she's that important anymore. Chai! Vanessa! Vanessa who promised to spend the rest of her life with me; We had even agreed to have two boys and two girls who would be identical twins and we would name them Zach, Zeke, Zahra and Zinnia respectively, only because Vanessa said her celebrity crush was Zendaya.
"So much for dreams", I said to myself. The crux of this matter is to present my case to the world and prove that Sapa is a relationship breaker and a confirmed ọmọ dalérú dalérú. Initially, when I was in my first year, things were very rosy for me. I had just gotten admission into a prestigious university and as the first child of my parents, they were ready to do all for me. In addition, my uncles and aunts sent me money from time to time to ensure I was comfortable even as I claimed that the registration process was rigorous.
Oh, how I paraded myself in my first year. Now that I think about it, it was probably why Vanessa claimed she "liked" me but I was the one who asked her out. What if she charmed me? She was the one giving me the green light anyway. In all, I don't want to take the blame for involving myself in such a fake relationship.
Two and two put together, and "four-ever" Vanessa and I promised ourselves. Our relationship was the talk of the department- the perfect couple. Vanessa was one of the most beautiful ladies in the class, truth be told. I lavished my pocket money on Vanessa because I was so sure more would come from my parents and that became my system of life; love made me blind or maybe I was just stupid and naive.
Moving on to second year, I should have seen the signs when my parents sent me to school with half the provisions I took in my first year. I just thought they would replace the missing provisions with some extra money in my bank account. Long story short, I started fighting the battle of "half" in my life- my allowance money was halved and the uncles and aunts I used to see had vanished. Little did I know that Sapa had begun squatting in my corner.
I still felt gallant and had this ridiculous hope in my heart that all was going to be well so I carried on with my extravagant "Vanessa-inclusive" lifestyle. The day I knew I was finished was the day I withdrew the last one thousand Naira in my bank account to buy Vanessa a packet of Maryland Cookies and a bottle of Pulpy Orange (I'm sure that food didn't digest well in her stomach). After withdrawing and buying the snacks, I called my parents to ask for the usual but instead of don't worry, I got a "Look, you'll have to wait for now because we don't have that cash and how did you even spend all that money? After all, you're no longer in your first year". I can't remember how the call ended because I was in shock for a while.
I replayed the words in my head over and over again, checked the call log to see if it was my parents I called. My heart began to beat very fast because I knew I didn't have any money or food. I was so used to buying food that the hot plate my parents gave me was still sitting pretty in my cupboard. There was not even a trace of any food stuff in my belongings - it was that terrible.
For the first time, I recognized the presence of the dreaded entity called Sapa. The mistake I made was to ask Vanessa to lend me some money. I thought my "better half" would cover for me as I had seen in the movies but I don forget say Hollywood no be real life. Till I die, I would never be able to forget the look of disgust Vanessa gave me that day. She said she didn't have any money to give to me after I explained the situation to her. She subtly insulted me after I said I was still receiving money from my parents. She made me know that my mates were hustling while I was still holding on to the strings of my parents' aprons.
The next day, Vanessa broke up with me via a text message that read: "Olajide, I thought you were a guy of substance but I was wrong. I don't think I can plan my future with a guy who doesn't have money to cater for himself. It was nice while it lasted". Guess what I did? The money I could borrow from a friend: I used half of it to send messages to Vanessa to beg to stay with me. Looking back, I can say that I wasted the money. She was never worth it.
After the whole Vanessa thing, I started understanding the importance of planning financially and growing up. Prudence became my friend and Sapa, my on and off rival. Some days were good while others were "Sapa-induced". In all, I had learnt my lesson well and good.
The vibration of my phone jerked me away from my thoughts and I checked the message. Alas! It was Uncle Bayo from Dubai, my mum's younger brother, who sent me ten thousand Naira. I jumped from the bed with shouts of "Thank you, Jesus!!!". It felt like I had just received one million Naira. Another vibration came in and I saw another message urging all members of my department to pay the departmental dues as the deadline was the following day.
Shaking my head with a grin on my face, I saluted my comrade and said to him "Sapa, nice one!".
As 2023 edges closer, the fate of a country on who will become its face in various political positions becomes hotly debated. In few months' time, Nigeria will once again experience a mass activity and participation from its inhabitants as each and everyone will troop out in numbers to canvass for support and vote for their beloved candidates. Enmity will be sworn, love will also be spread. There has always been the case of bloodshed and destruction and the coming year is expected to be no different.
With the coming year expected to be full of hope and optimism severely overshadowed by pessimism, as to what the next leader brings to the table. Each of these ambitious candidates are already starting to reel out what they intend to achieve if elected. As at the time of publishing this article, more than 20 individuals have declared their interest in running for various political posts, with the presidential post being the one in the minds of most of these individuals.
While the primaries have not been done yet, many aspirants have made their ambitions known and have made it official, with some of these figures purchasing the nomination forms of their various political parties. The coming elections promises to be a tense affair as some of these aspirants aim to battle it out for the post without allowing the popularity and power some of their opponents wield, intimidate or rule out their interest. Each of these candidates who were once or are still leaders of a political post or the other rely on different concepts, ideology which gives them the assurance that they can boldly come out to declare their interest and win the elections.
Most of these leaders believe in their plans. While some of them have read out the plans they have for the country once elected, others are still drafting out their intentions. The plans of each of these candidates will go a long way to determine how people's opinion on who to vote for. Their plans are like their voices.
Just as their plans are important, their popularity is also quintessential in determining who will win the coming elections. Being a popular figure among the mass is also a great factor which each of these candidates are hoping to make use of, and this is where strategic campaign movements come into play.
Some of this candidates also believe they wield power. Having been former leaders of states and members of the National assembly, different opponents believe the power they wield from these posts will also have a great effect as to how they perform in the coming elections.
While bearing all these factors, let's have a look at some of these aspirants who publicly and formally declare their interests in running for the presidential post, while examining what they intend to achieve if elected:
Senator Ibikunle Amosun has officially declared his interest, and he promises to provide a leadership that will galvanize Nigeria to achieve her destiny as a leader in Africa.
Former Governor of Cross River State, Ben Ayade also made his intentions known as he hopes to concentrate on power, security and economic challenges if elected as president.
Yahaya Bello, also made his aspirations known and was one of the first candidates to purchase the presidential nomination form.
Governor Aminu Tambuwal of Sokoto state has also declared his interest.
Rabiu Kwankwanso, the former Governor of Kano state feels it is high time the problem of insecurity was looked into, among other things.
The Minister of Labour and employment, Chris Ngige is not left out. He has also declares his intention Nas he believes he has all it takes to steer the ship of Nigeria to a safe harbour.
Current Vice President of Nigeria, Professor Yemi Osinbajo declared his intentions also ,while holding the belief that the time for business and entrepreneurs to grow has come.
Nyesom Wike, Rivers State Governor also made his intention clear with the aim of returning the power in the hands of the ruling party to his own party - The People's Democratic Party.
Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi, Nigeria's minister of Transportation and Rochas Okorocha, former Governor of Imo State have also declared their interest, with the latter believing he has a compassionate heart to care for the poor and downtrodden and also the masses of the country.
The former Governor of Anambra State, Peter Obi is also not left out in this race.
Atiku Abubakar has also decided to rerun after failing to win in the last presidential election. He promises that his administration will focus on unity, security, economy, education and devolving more resources to federating units, which he believes are key areas affecting the country.
One of the major figures who has been tipped to win and is also viewed by many as being the favourite is former Governor of Lagos State, Bola Ahmed Tinubu, who is a big political figure.
Ankara Nose-masks |
For so long the People's Democratic Party (PDP) has been marauded with leadership crisis. This is however not uncommon to the party as it has always been inflicted with one party crisis or the other, from the onset. The pioneer chairman of the PDP served for just three months due to the inordinate quest for power by some individuals in the party.
Fast forward to the present day Nigeria, one would only wonder if there is any opposition party in the country at all. This is not farfetched from the fact that the PDP which is supposed to be the paradigm of critical evaluation and subtle opposition of the government in power has not been able to put its house in order; one can only liken the PDP to a toothless tiger which only roars but cannot subtly, and out of Nigeria's loyalty, critically appraise and help to set the APC-led government back on track whenever the need arises.
Several loyalists of the APC have argued that the government in power is the choice of the people - this no doubt, is the beauty of Democracy. However the question to ponder on is "What measures are in place to ensure the sustainability of Democracy in Nigeria?". We must not be too quick to commit the fallacy that Democracy is all about exercising our rights, indeed it is about adequate and efficient representation of the masses.
In a situation where the APC has been voted into power and they have relented in ensuring the adequate security and welfare of poor Nigerians, which is the primary function of every government, the PDP wallowed in a play of political agility and sociological ignorance. Several persons have hoped to see the PDP help in putting the APC-led government on its toes; this hope has not only been shattered, but an exclusive mirage. Parties are more interested in playing bitter politics than clamour for the good of the people. How pathetic!
It is pretty saddening that opposition parties in the country always refuse to work hand-in-hand with the ruling party and prefer to sabotage efforts of the government in power: the so called ``watchdog`` function they claim to perform is a sheer opium of the masses.
Of recent did the supreme court declare Makarfi the substantive chairman of the PDP in a suit filed by Ali-Modu Sheriff, his PDP rival; although Sheriff's faction claims the judgement to be morally unjust, the law is absolute! It is high time the opposition parties in Nigeria began to perform their watchdog duties and work together with any government in power rather than playing bitter politics as obtainable in Nigeria.
If the Democratic party of the USA is able to put President Trump on his toes, to follow the right path and use the most efficient strategies, then this feat is achievable in Nigeria as well.
We have all pledged our allegiance to our dear country Nigeria, and nothing shall set us back no more!
"If you give them your heart, they will want your soul. That is why those of us who do not think twice about them must always be right"- Bola Ige
The Nigerian internet space was recently pervaded with a viral broadcast. Of course, it is fast becoming usual for sensations to take over real news in the Nigerian scene. A lot of theorists have even suggested that these distractions are sponsored. For instance, it could be the case that a major determining policy of some sort has been set up. Nigerian internet space is in the midst of a hot argument on the policy. The government is beginning to feel the pressure of public opinion. Suddenly, everything fizzles away when the attention diverts to a controversy between Wizkid and Davido. Thus, in a matter of moments, the attention has been shifted and the policy discussion becomes an issue for the past.
Last week, someone must have felt the "Eureka" sensation and ran into the market naked to proclaim "Eureka!". This person attempts to trace have proven abortive suggested that the "biscuity" part of meat that we chew enjoyed best when the meat is fried and popularly tagged "biscuit bone" is incorrect but rather it is brisket bone. In a country where most of us are willing to imitate the foreign concepts and even diction without understanding them, a large number of us began to correct ourselves without trying to confirm if we were wrong. Brisket bone for three days won the hearts of the struggling-hard-to-speak-phonetics category of Nigerians.
Shortly after, it became the case that someone did Nigerians the favour of a research and came back to say brisket bones are found in the chest of an animal around the ribs and they are not what we coined the term "biscuit bone" in reference to. In a short time again, the quiet ones among us who did not take a position on if it was biscuit or brisket bone came out to mock those who did call it "brisket bones".
For a long time now, I have argued that until Africans understand their uniqueness and do not care for their local diction to affect their phonation as part of their pride. We will continue living a lie. African consciousness entails in totality a pride of who you are and what you are.
These youths who have decided to "brisket bones" are either uninterested or distracted from the fact that for more than two months, the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria has been away. While theoretically, we are made to believe his absence creates no vacuum, some of us know better that the politics at work is holding the government to ransom. Aisha Buhari herself would take to Twitter and describe as "hyenas and jackals who want to reign in the absence of the Lion King".
Whispers convey the news that the President has cancer. Some louder whispers convey the news that he has become totally deaf. The true state of the President is being hidden effectively from those he governs. Welcome to Nigeria! This is one of our inventions. We create public servants that are isolated from those they lead till their tenure ends.
While the President was away, a serving Senator died and interestingly, a bye-election was conducted for his office. In typical Nigerian style, the replacement was a reward. Most political offices are held by people being rewarded for either party loyalty (which can also be the equivalent thuggery, violence and contribution of illegally sourced funds), being the next in line(yes. Even though we don't have a royalty. There's a queue on the way to power. Elections are just to determine who is really next in line) and also other criteria with the exception of capability.
The bye-election in Osun returned the brother of the deceased Senator. The Senator in question emerged from the opposition party. Despite federal might, regional might and power of incumbency, the APC could not return a candidate and the slot went out to the other party. This is interesting.
Bourdillion has been quiet. What is the man in Bourdillion up to? Is he scheming to put his man there or will be go there himself come 2019? What was the position of Bourdillion on the Osun senatorial bye-election? Has Bourdillion begun to lose political relevance in Nigerian politics? Is Bourdillion in good health himself as whispers also suggest he is ill?
Is the outcome of the bye-election a sign of things to come? Are the Osun masses simply dissatisfied with Aregbesola and are sending a message that they don't want his governance? Was the bye-election a protest vote? Were the votes bought? Was the outcome to reward the deceased?
The best analyst of political trends cannot in Nigeria come up with a satisfactory explanation for political occurrences. The influx of methods and processes outside the book has made obscure what really decides choices of the masses in Nigeria. The question is if the masses even choose! Our democracy is so complex that another name other than democracy should be coined for it.
As the politics in Nigeria continues to heat, the axe continues to wave in the air. Where will it land? On who will it fall?
Who is the anointed one for the 2019 elections?