In spite of all odds, they would still devise a means to provide the basic things a child needs. The sacrifices, pain during childbirth, and sleepless nights are immeasurable. Moreover in between all these sweetness and enjoyments lie funny acts and sometimes unpleasant scenarios. Here are some funny behavior of African mothers, it seems like it runs through their veins.
Alertness and sensitivity is on another level, it feels like they have eyes all over the place. Have you ever experience a situation where you were told not to do a certain thing but still went ahead with it then, your mother just calls you and asks why you decided to go against the instruction. Or when you sneaked out to a birthday party thinking she would not be aware but alas! She was already waiting for you at the front door to give you the beating you deserve.
The fact that if one piece of meat, fish or ponmo is missing from the pot of soup no matter how many there are, she would surely notice keeps me bewildered and wonder what power enables her to keep track of even the tiniest changes. Then they tell us this unbelievable story of having invincible eyes at the back of their heads.
African mothers are great disciplinarians and use different tools to ensure this, the locations determine which of the numerous tools to be used. For example if you are in the kitchen with her and she needs to reset your button "turning stick" is to be used, when you are outside and she doesn't want any form of embarrassment she uses sign language. This particular method seems connected because she doesn't have to explain cause you would automatically understand and if you decide not to yield then you are in hot soup.
The quickest method is slap this one is easy and very accessible especially if you are beside her, she would not forget to add "you think because you are taller than me I wouldn't slap you, I would do if necessary if you like be tall like iroko tree I will ask you to bend down I am still your mother". For you to know how serious it is she would go to the market to buy "pankere" for chastisement.
As their children grows the joy and their excitement increases and can decide to be extra when dressing for their children. Making sure their clothes are well ironed, their big food flasks and the uniforms are usually oversize let alone speaking of their "boogie boogie" shoe. When you correct their spoken English first time they take it with joy and commend you for putting effort in your school work, second third time "do you know more than your mother? Don't forget I came to this earth before you" you have no choice but to apologise to her.
One of the things she does not like to hear is "I am tired" when it comes doing chores in the house."you are a woman, is this how you would be doing in husband's house". You are expected to be hardworking and never complain, if you dare complain then you are ready to listen to olden days history. How children of those days would go to farm even before preparing for school, but this indomie generation are just lazy and would not even wake up early enough.
You dare not complain to be sleepy or having headache, especially when it's still morning. She would definitely blame it on your staying up late with your phone and chatting "when you won't sleep at the right time, you chat away your sleep how will you escape having headache" after all these sermons she'll give you paracetamol and resume work after which you can rest.
African Mothers can be strict but trust me they always have their children at heart, and this can be frustrating. WhatsApp circulars, preachings and videos or news about a young child who died due to carelessness or getting involved with some miscreants would be sent to your DM and she would even tell you to share to your friends.
She believes everything on the internet if she reads that a particular thing is bad or not good for one's health, that is the end of it's usage in the house. During Ebola Saga eating bush meat, suya, kilishi or anything meat which was cooked outside the house would be banned.
The support and prayers rendered to their children are divine, sometimes their prayer points are funny. It is like their children are competitions amongst themselves so they mount pressure on you to do things. Maybe the neighbor just bought a new car, then they pressure you to do something too so as to receive honours among their peers. This can be tasking and demanding but as a man who stands his ground he would not be discouraged but, direct that energy to somethings profitable.
The quest and petition on getting married is an issue not only to the girl child but more importantly the boy child. She's is just so eager and keeps reminding you "you are not getting any younger". When it looks like you aren't even bothered with all her talks and complaints, she could resort to going to the mountain to pray on your behalf.
After getting married, she would be so eager to carry her grandchildren. And if it's taking too long, she loses patience especially if the male is her son. And even threathen the wife to bring a new bride from the village that would birth their child if she doesn't sit well and do the needful.
At a point there might be some beef between the mother and wife, especially if she never liked her from inception. This is always frustrating as the husbands might not know who to side as both his wife and mother are important in his life. She might even cook up false story about his wife to her son, just to spite her. This part of the African mothers are tasking as it takes a man a lot to resolve the issue between both parties without any hitch. But it all boils down to her being jealous and thinking her son would not have time for her because of his new family. And she practically asked him for this family that she wants to see her grandchildren.
African mothers can be protective, loving, sacrificing to not only their husbands but also their children. At the same time they are a handful.
Be it from the North, West, South, or Eastern states; African mothers have some funny acts peculiar to them. African mothers are almost the same when it comes to the way they relate to their children. Let's reminisce over some of their funny acts.
1. They complain when you don't eat and when you eat too much.
African mothers be like why can't you finish that food? What's in that food that you can't finish? That small portion of food, ehn? What have you eaten that you cannot finish it. Especially when they are the one that cooked it, you'd hear statements like, 'what happened?' You can't finish it? The soup I labored over, you can't finish it? You've eaten junks abi? My soup now taste bitter in your mouth? My soup is not sweet abi? The soup that made your father married me, you cannot finish it. You don't like it. 'Mum na food I no fit finish, I no kill person😒.' when you eat too much, they'd be like, what work have you done in this house that you're eating like this? Am I feeding you to sell you? Remove your hand! You cannot turn my house into a fattening one. Glutton! 'African Mothers, which way na'👀?
2. They hardly apologize when they wrong you.
'Oh. I didn't know. Seriously, my son. I did not know. Hun? Biko, no vex. Hun? No vex. What? You're still angry? I said I did not know. I should kneel down for you. Ah! If you want me to kneel down, I will. I, your mother will kneel for you. Ah, I will kneel. Sheybi you want me to kneel down. No problem.' 'When you're still angry nkor? I said I didn't know. I don't know what else do you want me to do.' 'If you decide to stay angry, no problem. I have already told you that I did not know.' When you're done being angry, you will talk to me.' Not even I'm sorry👺
3. They make mistakes you should never do
'Mistakenly oversalts food' African Mothers: Ah, this unrefined salt too dey oversalt food. Just small oooo, just a pinch, everywhere salt. Ah. Come. Come and taste this food for me. Take. What? Why did you spoil your mouth like that? What happened to it? Is it salty? So my food is salty? You mean the food that me your mother cooked is salty. I have never said that to my mother before. You will have to eat it like that. Mistakes do happen, and this is part of it. Hun? Oya bring plates, let me serve it. When it is your turn. African Mothers: 'Yeeee! My tounge. Did you fetch water from the ocean to cook this food? If you're a female, you'd hear, is this how you'll be cooking it in your husband's house? Your mother-in-law will be eating salty food like this. Ah. All your husband's kinsmen, all of them. Na oversalted food you go dey serve them. No problem. When you will be pressing phone. See your life, and you're a female child. I have never oversalted food in my life. This is the first time I will taste such. What if I gave you the refined salt. The unrefined one are even better, still, you can't make good use of it. Shior! E dey your body. 'Spare me, Mama😌.'
4. They ask how do I look? If you tell them the truth, you're in trouble.
I'm going to visit my Mummy Kwame. She returned from Ghana yesterday. How do I look? 'Mum the wrapper is quite faded. You may change it.''What? What happened to my wrapper? This wrapper is not good? Okay I have heard you. What else? My footwear nko? 'Yes, that's true. It doesn't match with the attire.' Abeg, abeg. 'This one doesn't match with my clothes? Leave it. Na you ladies dey do match to match. We are old schools. We don't need such fashion. I'm not going to stay long. It is just to greet her and come back. I haven't seen her in three years now. What else apart from those two? Tell me, but I can't change the ones you talked about. Anything else? Abeg, I don commot. 'Sighs.'😒
5. When they see their old time friend, just get a bed and sleep on that spot.
The time African mothers use to chat with each other or one another is enough to soft a stone, in the boiling process. When they see their old time friend, they'd chatter, talk, laugh, scream, practice some funny gestures that only them understand, gossip, and do some traditional dancing moves, not concerned about you waiting for them, or the time you've spent doing so.
6. They try to imitate the modern lifestyle that they have insulted.
Mum, I thought you said it is ladies that like men too much that wears wig.' 'Ehen, ehen? Doesn't it fit me? Look at me now. Look at a sweet girl. Instead of you to compliment me, you're telling me shit. It fits me na, or doesn't it? You can't answer abi. Or you don't want me to wear it, because it is yours. I will wear it sha. It makes me remember when I was a young lady. I used to be very very beautiful. You got your beauty from me. I'm still beautiful sef. Omalicha nwa. Please, close the door. I will see you when I come back.
7. They give almost all the food to the visitor, at your own peril.
'Mama Boluuuuuu! Welcome. Sit. Your legs are good. I have just finished preparing Amala and efo riro. What? You are not eating? Abeg. Abeg. I will get angry if you don't. You have to. Let me quickly serve you. What's too much? We have more. Please, eat. It was as if I knew I was going to have a visitor. Please, eat to your fill. 'Bola, prepare small eba for yourself, and take the smallest meat. The smallest meat, please. Things are now really expensive.' 'Really?💀'
8. They lament when you don't pay attention to their rants.
I heard the price of fuel has been inflated. Only God know where we are going in this country. Ehn? They even said there's going to be a war, that we should be indoors before 7. Ehen, that we should be indoors before 7. Shade, can you hear that? You that will be coming home around 9. Let your head be correct, don't implicate me. Shade are you listening? See the person I'm talking to. Do you want to make me worried? Where will I find you if something bad should happen to you? It is not good the way you're treating me. I did not treat my mother like that. I said they said the security outside is too loose, that we should be indoors before 7. Ehen, ehen, better. God bless you. Sleep well.
9. They care for and insult you at the same time when you are sick.
Sorry. Oya, take more. Take more pap. Take more, so that you can use your medicine. Sorry. How are you feeling now? When you will be pressing phone, ehen. Everytime phone, why won't you fall sick. It is not possible for someone to press phone at the rate which you do, and not fall sick. Ehen? With that your big headset. You actually deserve this headache. Bring your mouth here. Stubborn boy!
10. They put so much energy to want to watch news, and doze off 5 minutes later when watching it, only to wake up as you grab the remote.
Where's the lie?💀