Rape: Of the Victim and the Accused
Rape victims and survivors suffer great trauma what with all the commotion raised by internet users who took to various social media platforms to pour out their grievances after the release of Busola Dakolo's interview. A lot of people had a lot of things to say about the issues raised in the video and there were back and forth arguments about who to believe and who was lying. My thoughts? Well read on.
It takes a lot of strength, especially mental, for a person to come out and say he or she was raped and when such persons do come out let us, mere outsiders, not be too quick to judge and cast blames. Rape is a very painful experience, one that cannot be quickly forgotten, if at all it is gotten over. It does a lot to a person's self-esteem that most victims turn out to be desperate people who search for self-validation everywhere even at places where it is obvious that it cannot be found. I implore us all to show more attention and compassion to people that will come to us to report any sort of sexual violations they suffer.
There is a lot of pretense in the society today. A lot of people only get involved in conflicts when a well-known persona is a party but when the victim is an unknown person it becomes no one's business. Taking reference in Busola's case, her story became this popular only because she is a public figure. We should do our part and not turn deaf ears when the story is that of Nkechi, an helpless sixteen year old student that live in a local town. Let us please stop with the hypocrisy.
The shame culture that is practiced by Nigerians is a sad one indeed. It makes it so that victims of rape are ashamed and afraid to come out and tell their stories. They get to deal with the trauma that comes with the experience and also have to face the stigmatization that coming out will attract with it. Nobody ever wishes to be raped and it is entirely unfair to even suggest that the victim is to be blamed; the victim is never the cause. It is, therefore, our collective responsibility to create a society that respects rape victims as the survivors they truly are and to hold them at a high pedestal that is the complete opposite of the ridicule they would otherwise be put through.
Now there are a lot of rape apologists out there justifying rape and giving stupid reasons and excuses such as, 'It's not rape when she was dressed provocatively', 'His no usually means yes', 'They deserved it'. Let me set this straight, sex without consent is rape. Sex with another person without the person's permission is rape and there is no such thing as silent approval. If you want to save yourself from being labelled as a rapist do not have sex with someone that is showing any sign of reluctance but instead go on to some other person that shares mutual interest with you. Trust me, there are many people out there that will meet your taste.
Another thing to discuss is rapists themselves. Do not be the unfortunate being that will forcefully take what is not freely given to you. Always consciously and deliberately try not to be in a situation where you'd have to sexually assault somebody, it is an advice I will always give to people that know they are weak in that respect. If you're someone that struggles with issues that make you do things you would rather not do then save someone the heartache and seek help, professional or not.
Furthermore, it will be a great crime to falsely accuse someone of rape when there was a consent before the action. A lot of people have chosen this period to bounce their pain on their preys. The false accusation is as costly as the rape offence itself. Because, this will not only tarnish the integrity and image of such person that has been wrongly accused, as the label will remain as a skin on such person, if not forever, but always.
It takes a lot of strength, especially mental, for a person to come out and say he or she was raped and when such persons do come out let us, mere outsiders, not be too quick to judge and cast blames. Rape is a very painful experience, one that cannot be quickly forgotten, if at all it is gotten over. It does a lot to a person's self-esteem that most victims turn out to be desperate people who search for self-validation everywhere even at places where it is obvious that it cannot be found. I implore us all to show more attention and compassion to people that will come to us to report any sort of sexual violations they suffer.
There is a lot of pretense in the society today. A lot of people only get involved in conflicts when a well-known persona is a party but when the victim is an unknown person it becomes no one's business. Taking reference in Busola's case, her story became this popular only because she is a public figure. We should do our part and not turn deaf ears when the story is that of Nkechi, an helpless sixteen year old student that live in a local town. Let us please stop with the hypocrisy.
The shame culture that is practiced by Nigerians is a sad one indeed. It makes it so that victims of rape are ashamed and afraid to come out and tell their stories. They get to deal with the trauma that comes with the experience and also have to face the stigmatization that coming out will attract with it. Nobody ever wishes to be raped and it is entirely unfair to even suggest that the victim is to be blamed; the victim is never the cause. It is, therefore, our collective responsibility to create a society that respects rape victims as the survivors they truly are and to hold them at a high pedestal that is the complete opposite of the ridicule they would otherwise be put through.
Now there are a lot of rape apologists out there justifying rape and giving stupid reasons and excuses such as, 'It's not rape when she was dressed provocatively', 'His no usually means yes', 'They deserved it'. Let me set this straight, sex without consent is rape. Sex with another person without the person's permission is rape and there is no such thing as silent approval. If you want to save yourself from being labelled as a rapist do not have sex with someone that is showing any sign of reluctance but instead go on to some other person that shares mutual interest with you. Trust me, there are many people out there that will meet your taste.
Another thing to discuss is rapists themselves. Do not be the unfortunate being that will forcefully take what is not freely given to you. Always consciously and deliberately try not to be in a situation where you'd have to sexually assault somebody, it is an advice I will always give to people that know they are weak in that respect. If you're someone that struggles with issues that make you do things you would rather not do then save someone the heartache and seek help, professional or not.
Furthermore, it will be a great crime to falsely accuse someone of rape when there was a consent before the action. A lot of people have chosen this period to bounce their pain on their preys. The false accusation is as costly as the rape offence itself. Because, this will not only tarnish the integrity and image of such person that has been wrongly accused, as the label will remain as a skin on such person, if not forever, but always.
As I conclude, my heart goes out to every person out there who has had to experience such hateful, depressing and painful ordeal, what happened is not your fault, you're stronger than you think and you're worthy of more. Love.
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